"We feel afraid of being our true self because the consequences for being judged negatively are horrendous, such as people abandoning you. And this creates bad feelings in the body."
There are few people who associate social anxiety with the inability to fix and maintain a frame. A frame, as Guru Pashupati says, is two people who know the answer to these four fundamental questions, who am I, who are you, what are we doing together and where are we?
I am not a stranger to this experience of having an improper frame, and that’s why I am writing this article to share my story and what I learned from it. If you read it, you will learn one way in which we can fail at maintaining a frame, so you can be armed with this to protect your relationships. You will also learn why you need to upgrade yourself from mediocre to elite so you are blessed with relationships free of social anxiety.
Is social anxiety a disorder?
We have all been at a party, looked around, learned that we know a few people at the corner, and made a beeline for them because we feel anxious about conversing with those among us who we don’t know. But, why are we anxious in a social space, especially around people we don’t know… because it takes effort to be around them. My brain has to work extra hard to hide who I really am, as I feel unsafe in their midst. Then, what is social anxiety and how can one assuage oneself from feeling it?
The meaning of social anxiety
Social anxiety therefore, is nothing but a feeling of lack of clarity on the frame, on who am I in the context, who are they, what we are doing together, and where are we, followed by a lack of trust that the frame will be maintained.
For instance, while having delicious dosa for breakfast at a popular restaurant, I noticed a grandmother who had finished her meal was being supported and ushered by her daughter and her son, so she can smoothly walk to the exit. She has no qualms about their presence and whether she can trust them for this because the frame is clear.
She is their mother and due to her reputation of being a nourishing and caring mother, her children feel indebted and are very interested in caring for her. She also never stopped feeling that way about them in her life. She gave them her best and the children know that. What they are doing together is raising their grandchildren and supporting family life. The emotions they are experiencing are that of Heroism (veera) and Compassion (karunya). Both of which are Divine emotions.
Thus, it makes a lot of sense to equate social anxiety with a lack of frame on who the respective parties are, what the two parties are doing together and where they are.
Symptoms of social anxiety
However, when we are amidst people we cannot trust or have no idea what we are doing together with them, we feel lost, as though we are unanchored and at sea. So, of course, when we don’t know where we are going, one gets anxious. One starts to sweat, or feel funny in the stomach, we may even feel dizzy or restless as a result of social anxiety.
Ultimately, many people decide to stop interacting with others entirely to avoid it and I did that too. In today’s spiritually disconnected world that is mainly technologically connected, it is easy to distance oneself from others. You can just get on the next plane. In today’s world, you are not alone in feeling anxious and unsafe, but there is a way out and you can learn that in the next section.
What I did to overcome social anxiety
After some escapism, one realises that there is no way one can escape it.
To overcome social anxiety, I realised that all I need to do is pay attention to the frame. An example of how one can apply the frame (of knowing what I and the other person are doing together) would be the following.
Between an employer and an employee, if the frame is not clear that the two are building a dream or vision together that benefits them and others then, there is ample room for confusion and anxiety about what things can or cannot be done in that relationship. When they maintain the frame that they are creating a future, where such and such is possible, then its clear that whatever happens in that relationship must have that goal in sight.
However, even when the following four question are clear, the frame may not be stable and conflicts might arise where things become confusing in the relationship. Now the reason the frame does not stick even if its clear, is because the parties concerned may have a mediocre self image. In other words, they have a mediocre reaction, feeling or emotion in response to the problems in their relationships.
The secret lies in building energy and training the body to hold the energy of the relationship in a stable way, by creating, nurturing and maintaining the frame (the answers to the four questions). Guru Pashupati taught me that, the way to stop feeling anxious is to use energy to control the mind. And to have abundant energy or Prana Shakti, each shishya of Yoga should train their body to carry that energy in a stable way, nourishing their relationship instead of feeling anxious about it. To be able to do that, you need to cultivate an elite self image of yourself and seek the blessings of the Divine to create that reality for you.
Summary
Social anxiety is real and can damage relationships and therefore, lethally damage one’s mental health as well. But its possible to overcome it by understanding why it happens. When one lacks a frame (the answers to the four questions), we are unsure about the role of the other in the relationship and feel insecure about them abandoning us. However, all these are mediocre reactions, feelings, and emotions to relationship problems. If you learn to have an elite response to them, you can have rewarding and loving relationships. Watch the video below to learn how to do that from Guru Pashupati.
As someone with an elite self-image, you will effortlessly be able to create, safeguard, and maintain the frame.